


Loss of innocence

by GoForGoals



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt, First Time, M/M, Making Up, Misunderstandings, Problems, Second Chances, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-06-01 17:22:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6529144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoForGoals/pseuds/GoForGoals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik and Marco are shortly before winning their first trophy together in the night that will change their relationship forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Erik.

**Author's Note:**

> My dear readers,
> 
> the idea for this story didn't leave me alone since weeks and finally, I was in the mood to write it. I have to warn you that it is about "unsuccessful" sex, about misunderstandings and in the consequence hurt feelings. Please be aware that nothing in this fic is non-consensual, sometimes we simply bite off more than we can chew and no one is to blame. There will most likely be a second chapter where we will learn more about Marco's POV so please don't judge him too quickly. 
> 
> I wanted to write this story because sex is not always full of passion and bliss, problems can occur or something isn't as satisfying as it should be. That's okay because we all have to make such experiences to grow with them and to learn to cherish love. 
> 
> Feedback is very welcome. 
> 
>  
> 
> Dear Blue_Night,
> 
> thank you for the beta-reading and for the wonderful title that says in one line what I wanted to express with the whole fic.

Erik is trapped in time, at least it feels this way. Seconds and minutes have plotted against him and his whole team, kidding them with the slowness they elapse.

The young defender has experienced this situation before, back in 2014, when his team played the final of the World Cup in Brazil. He hadn’t been a part of the starting eleven, just like he isn’t today, and still, it is not the same.

He waits for the final whistle even more impatiently now and the fact that Marco is sitting right next to him, relentlessly turning his water bottle in his sweaty hands, doesn’t make anything better. His teammate has been substituted some minutes ago and now it is on the remaining players to secure their win. Their title. The first title for Marco and the first one they would win together.

Erik’s head is spinning because they are only in front with one single goal, scored by Auba who is still running up and down the pitch while Marco and he himself are doomed to wait and to hope.

Yes, it had been amazing to lift the World Cup, the most important trophy in football, but it would be completely different to raise this cup, won with Erik’s beloved team, his second family.

He is staring at the digital clock on the huge screen that is hanging over the match field which is somehow a battlefield in this magical night. Two minutes to go plus the extra time - and there _will_ be an extra time because Mats got injured right at the beginning of the second half. They want to win this title for their captain, as well, Erik can see the determination in every pair of eyes.

But most of all, Erik wants to win the cup for Marco, for the man he loves deeply and who doesn’t give a damn about him. Erik doesn’t care tonight, he just wants to see Marco’s hands on the cup, his strong arms stretching the trophy out into the nightly sky because he is their second captain and the one to celebrate their win after Mats was stretchered off.

One minute to go.

Marco right next to him is a nervous wreck, chewing on his gum or his lip, Erik can’t tell the difference anymore. He wants to hear the final whistle, he wants to run onto the pitch and hug his teammates, and he wants to see Marco’s blissful smile more than anything else in the world.

Nobody on the bench is speaking a word, all of the players too occupied with their own thoughts and with the prospect of ending this season with a triumphant win. Even their trainer has become silent, his hands clenched in the pockets of his trousers.

Four minutes extra time.

Erik hears Marco groaning although the blood is rushing through his ears so loudly that the chanting of the fans is barely audible anymore. He is sure that he can’t stand the tension any longer, he wants to run away and lock himself in the toilet just like their CEO had done throughout a former match.

But he can’t run away, he has to stay, for 240 endless seconds. He starts to count them but stops after ten seconds because he can’t even focus on counting anymore. For another ten seconds, he concentrates on Marco’s shoe laces but, the blond is bobbing his foot up and down and Erik gets dizzy watching it.

120 seconds.

Erik sees their offense starting a counter attack, the ball passed from Lukasz to Micki to Auba and Auba ...Auba ...Auba scores, he fucking scores!

Erik is shouting, he is yelling and suddenly he finds himself in Marco’s arms, his secret crush apparently embracing the next best teammate, which is him. Marco hugs him and lifts him up, he is screaming in his ear until Erik thinks that he will become deaf and still, there is no better place at the moment than in Marco’s tight embrace, well-knowing that they will win this final.

The remaining seconds go by in a rush and there it is: the final whistle. Erik is still trapped in Marco’s arms and for one moment, their gazes meet, and there is something in Marco’s look that Erik won’t forget in his whole life. Then, the midfielder drops him and runs onto the green grass, chasing Auba, chasing all of their teammates who soon lie in a heap on the place they can celebrate their hugest success at.

 

***

 

_Five hours after the victory celebration_

Their party is gorgeous. Erik’s feet are hurting because he is dancing, he is walking from teammate to teammate, touching glasses with them although he doesn’t drink much alcohol. His parents were there but they have left some time ago, exhausted and ready to catch some sleep.

He’s chatting with Matze, but he’s too restless to stay at the same place for longer than a few minutes. Erik takes his glass and wanders around, when he suddenly stands in front of Marco. The blond is alone, as well, and Erik wonders briefly where his family and friends are but, he can’t think about it any longer because Marco raises his glass.

„Cheers, Erik,“ he says, a mischievous grin spreading out over his face. Since when is Marco so friendly towards him? Erik doesn’t know where Marco’s usual refusal is, hopefully he has left it on the pitch together with other unpleasant memories of injuries and lost titles, and he clicks glasses with his teammate. Marco looks him deep in the eyes and then he asks a question that is so sassy that Erik gasps for air.

„What’s your room number?“ Marco whispers, his eyes burning. Marco must be drunk, Erik thinks, or he himself must be intoxicated. There’s simply no other explanation, but Marco keeps staring at him and then he licks over his lips. Erik’s teammate looks somehow hungry although he must be sated right now, with the certainty that nobody can take his first trophy away from him ever again.

Only that Marco seems to be chasing another „trophy“ right now.

Erik swallows, he has forgotten how to speak, but Marco takes matters in his own hands. He lets his fingers glide into the back pocket of the elegant jeans Erik is wearing. The sudden intimate touch lets Erik sway but Marco pulls his fingers out immediately, holding Erik’s hotel room card in his digits. He reads the number and nods satisfied before he puts it back into Erik’s jeans, his fingers resting at Erik’s butt longer than necessary.

„See you, Erik,“ he says casually before he moves on, to the other side of the location where he sits down next to Auba.

Erik however is frozen in place, convinced that his mind is playing tricks on him. This simply can’t be for real, is his teammate trying to seduce him? Marco who has been so unapproachable since forever? Erik still doesn’t know what Marco wants from him. Or maybe he knows it but, he can’t believe it. Apparently, he must have been so obvious with his admiration in the last months that Marco now wants to take advantage of it.

If Marco really will come over to his room, a thought that makes Erik nauseous, what does he himself want? It’s crystal clear that Marco probably doesn’t want to have a conversation about the weather or the last game.

Briefly, Erik considers to ask for another room, one Marco doesn’t know the number of, too afraid of the consequences. But the other part in him is tingling with anticipation. He’s young and free and the night is pure magic, so why doesn’t he take the opportunity and finds out what Marco has at stake for him? If he has anything at stake, that is.

He still can say „no“ when the midfielder really comes to his room, Erik calms himself down before he places his glass on a table, making sure that Marco sees that he is leaving the party.

 

***

 

Marco lets him wait, sure he does, showing him that he is pulling the strings. Erik doesn’t know for how long he has waited, he sits on his bed with his heart hammering in his chest. What the hell is he doing? What if Marco was only fooling him?

Erik shakes his head and goes over to the bathroom, brushing his teeth. He tries to pretend that he doesn’t hope that Marco will show up and when he has finished his bed time routine, he rests his head against the cold tiles of the bathroom.

He’s in love with Marco for such a long time now that he doesn’t even know how a life without loving him feels like. Erik is quite sure that Marco is only interested in his body tonight - if he is interested in him, at all. Would it hurt even more afterwards, more than it is already hurting, to live with his unfulfilled love?

For the second time, he considers running away, the situation too much for him to handle. They have won the cup, they have celebrated together, wasn’t that enough? And yet, Erik is so addicted to his teammate that he simply can’t back off, craving for his closeness as much as he craved for the title.

Whatever Marco wants from him tonight, Erik knows that he will give it to him even if it is the last or stupidest thing he will do.

 

***

 

A firm, determined knock against his door, and Erik doesn’t even flinch. He has known all of the time that Marco will appear, ever since he has asked him for his room number which in fact was the question if he is allowed to fuck him tonight.

Marco doesn’t talk when he arrives, Marco closes the door with an almost triumphant grin upon his face and then he nudges Erik against the wall and kisses him senseless. The blond is a master with his tongue as well as with his hands that rest possessively upon Erik’s ass. Love and lust intermingle with each other, and Erik returns the kiss with all that he has.

The young defender can feel the aura that is radiating from Marco, it is all about victory and self-confidence. His teammate probably thinks that he should crown this perfect night with another conquest, convinced that he could have everything and everyone after winning his first title. Finally, Marco breaks the kiss and looks questioningly at Erik, a gaze that is burning like a blazing fire.

Even if Erik wanted to say „no“, after that kiss and that gaze, his sanity says goodbye to him and his desire takes over the command. The brunet bans the thoughts of the next day, of the feeling that he’s somehow used. He wants to be used and he wants it tonight.

And so he grabs Marco at his shoulders, turns him in a quick, surprising movement and traps him between his body and the wall. „Two can play that game,“ he murmurs and hell yes, his sanity definitely is blown in the wind, as well as his resistance. He doesn’t know where his self-trust comes from but apparently, it is turning Marco on.

„Fuck Erik, that’s hot,“ he groans, tugging at the hem of Erik’s shirt and pulling it over his head when Erik gives way. The blond looses his shirt afterwards and crashes their naked chests together. Every inch of Erik’s skin is in flames, especially where it is pressed against Marco’s. They kiss each other again, hungrily and demanding, while they stumble to the huge bed in the middle of the room.

Marco falls upon Erik when they slump onto the mattress and something hard is pressing against Erik’s groin. It’s definitely not Marco’s dick but a bottle the blond has stored in his jeans and that he is now placing upon the nightstand together with a small package.

Lube and condoms.

Erik’s mind makes another attempt to be reasonable but Marco rubs his hand over the bulge in Erik’s jeans when he returns to the bed and there is no going back anymore after that arousing contact. Erik’s body, still full of endorphin, reacts vigorously to the simple touch and he pulls Marco over him, his hands on the blond’s ass.

„I want you,“ Marco moans into his ear, „let’s make this night even more unforgettable.“ Marco nibbles at Erik’s earlobe, licks into his ear and fumbles with his belt simultaneously, driven apparently by sheer need. Erik’s perception is limited to his lust, as well, to his dick, to the need to come as hard and as soon as possible.

He hastily gets rid of his jeans and his briefs at once, like in a haze, trying to forget about his remaining shyness. Marco does the same and suddenly, both of them are naked, lying on Erik’s hotel bed. Erik’s eyes are traveling over Marco’s body, the remarkable abs and the impressive boner.

His brain kicks in for one last time, musing if he should tell Marco that... But Marco’s fingers upon his dick that are surprisingly tender suffocate every reasonable thought.

„Yes, let me hear you,“ Marco pants and Erik isn’t even aware that he has moaned that loudly while Marco is getting him off. This must still be a dream, he’s not lying in the arms of the man he adores so much, is he? Erik repeats his needy sound and Marco chuckles. „Soon,“ he mutters, already on his feet again to get the lube, to open the bottle, to pour it onto his fingers. Erik is still lying on his back and Marco parts his legs gently but determined, before his digits search the way between them.

Feeling the cool liquid on his most secret part brings Erik down to Earth rudely as Marco brushes over his rosebud, spreading the lube there.

„What?“ the brunet flinches but Marco has already withdrawn, grabbing the condom. This is going so fast, so incredibly fast.

„On all fours,“ Marco repeats hoarsely and Erik doesn’t know why he obeys, he wants it and doesn’t want it at the same time - doesn’t want it that way but wants it with Marco. Lust and fear are fighting within him, an uneven battle the lust is clearly winning.

And so Erik kneels on the mattress, noticing that Marco finds his place behind him. „Relax, babe,“ he hears the blond and wonders over the nickname but then, Marco spreads his butt cheeks and he is feeling something hard against his entrance, something _very_ hard and _very_ big.

„Oh God,“ Erik groans when the burning sensation starts and he clenches against his will. It’s too much, he can’t take it, he’s not ready but he so wants to be.

„Deep breaths,“ Marco moans behind him, obviously aroused and shortly before pushing in because Erik feels him clearly at his sensitive skin. The midfielder nudges against his hole, grabbing Erik’s hips to pull him closer and to finally glide into him. Erik takes deep breaths but, it is useless, the burning increases and so does his clenching and his despair. Why can’t his body cooperate, why does he have to be so damn tight?

Marco runs his hands over Erik’s spine now, trying to calm him down and help him to relax. Erik is grateful that Marco doesn’t force himself into him and he urges his body inwardly to loosen up, focusing on the gentle caresses of Marco’s fingers.  
  
„Come on, baby, let me in,“ Marco whispers, „just remember how you have done it before and open up for me.“ The blond midfielder starts the next attempt to thrust into Erik, this time with slightly more force.

It hurts. Oh God, it hurts so much.

Erik can’t think straight anymore and it isn’t even the physical pain that is shooting through his body - it is the mental one that is torturing him. The emotional one.

Marco isn’t working against his tightness but, somehow against his heart and slowly, Erik feels tears welling up in his eyes because he doesn’t want to be only taken, he wants to be loved. His tears trickle on the cushion he has buried his head into and the soft fabric is swallowing them as well as it swallows his silent groans; visible and audible proofs that everything has gone wrong.

„I can’t,“ Erik finally croaks out. „I haven’t before...“ he doesn’t finish the sentence and he doesn’t even have to because Marco pulls back immediately.

„Shit, Erik!“ his teammate and secret crush whispers and he sounds not disappointed or annoyed but bewildered and stunned. „Why haven’t you told me earlier?“ Marco’s voice is now as helpless as Erik feels and he runs his hand over Erik’s spine, drawing it back as if he had burnt his skin. Marco leaves his position and sits down at the edge of the bed, throwing the condom away. Then, he rests there, apparently unsure what he should do next.

Erik curls himself up on the mattress, his head turned towards the wall. He’s slowly dying inside, he’s sure that he will be stone-dead within his next shaky breaths, passed away because of his embarrassment. „Leave,“ is all he manages to say, the five letters weighing five tons upon his tongue. He has ruined everything, the last tiny spark of hope that Marco could ever love him back; he has also ruined his first time and the joy he had felt after winning the title.

Erik listens to the sounds Marco makes while he gets dressed and he senses the hesitation of the older one. „Sorry,“ Marco finally says and kisses Erik on his forehead before he leaves, taking Erik’s heart with him.

„I love you!“, Erik sobs but, Marco can’t hear him anymore.


	2. Marco.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear readers,
> 
> I'm still shocked about the loss yesterday and especially the cruel way this match got lost. Therefore I hurried with the next chapter of my little story, showing Marco's POV. There will be a third and final chapter, revealing the next happenings.
> 
> Please, share your opinion with me, feedback is what keeps me going in this sad time. 
> 
> Blue_Night, my friend, thank you for your thorough and fast beta.

Marco leans against Erik’s hotel room door for a brief second, trying to get himself together. The stagnant air of the building doesn’t help him the slightest to calm down and to get the bitter smack away from his tongue.

Minutes ago, he has kissed his teammate and God, Erik has tasted so sweet. Now all he can feel in his mouth is staleness, the fragrance of his bad conscience.

He’s well-aware that he has hurt Erik, that he has strained him with his burning desire, but, he has never wanted to make Erik feel this way, used and over-challenged.

If only Marco had known that it was Erik’s first time.

He’s still shocked that his teammate hasn’t had sex with another man before and with that, the realization sinks heavily in his mind. If Erik has trusted him enough to be his first man, to take away his virginity, how much must he really mean to him?

Marco groans and hits his hand against the elevator, once he has reached it. He’s not a person who uses others for his own advantage, not caring about their emotions. But tonight, tonight everything has been so overwhelming and so perfect and now it is broken and ruined. He has broken and ruined it.

The midfielder tries to understand why the hell he has seduced Erik as the doors of the elevator open, closing behind him with a silent sound. The elevator is not lifting Marco up, he’s bringing him to a lower level because his room is on the third floor while Erik’s is on the fifth.

The short ride incorporates and intensifies Marco’s feelings. He’s sinking. He’s sinking lower while Erik is resting above him, where he belongs to. So young and innocent, so sweet and full of trust.

And Marco has betrayed him. The blond steps into his hotel room where the trophy is standing on the table. Mats is still in the hospital and as the vice-captain, he has been allowed to take the cup with him.

Only that it doesn’t mean the same to him anymore. He walks closer and lets his index finger travel over the cold, metallic surface. Such a sharp contrast to the warm, soft skin of Erik.

Marco stumbles to the toilet, relieving himself. His dick is soft again, he doesn’t feel desire any more, only regret and sadness. Briefly, he considers to send Erik a message but what should he write? His teammate probably needs some time to deal with the happenings of this fateful night. And Marco does as well, if he’s honest to himself.

Still deep in his musings, he goes to his bed time routine, touching his lips with his fingers in front of the mirror. Erik’s mouth has been so tender, his young teammate so faithful and adorable.

Marco misses him.

His thoughts travel back to the moment when Auba has scored the winning goal. He has lifted his next best teammate, which was Erik, and he has screamed incoherent words into his ear. The bliss however that has been mirrored in Erik’s face hadn’t been the bliss of winning a title alone. It had been the bliss of being allowed to touch Marco.

The blond groans another time. Yes, he has known for a while now that Erik must have a crush on him, he was always searching his presence and closeness. But that hasn’t been the only reason why he had wanted to have him tonight.

The real reason goes deeper, so much deeper, and it hurts to think about it.

Marco has missed and lost so many finals and somewhere during his career, he had lost the trust that he will be able to raise any cup one day. And when it had finally happened, really happened tonight, he had been completely overwhelmed, unable to cope with the sensation of being a winner.

He has craved for this title with all of his hopes but after this almost terrifying experience, he had needed someone to share this experience with him, to tell him that it was for real. Marco hadn’t wanted to be alone in these magical hours, it had been as simple as that. He had wanted someone to hold him throughout the night, someone to retell the match, someone to make sure that this hadn't been not only a dream.

Marco would have been content with cuddling, he had only wanted to feel the presence of another human being with a warm skin and a beating heart, finding some comfort in a gentle embrace because after winning his first title, he knows what he had been missing when he hadn’t been able to win the finals before. Finding peace and calmness only seemed to be possible with someone lying next to him, simply being there.

But, when Marco had watched Erik dancing during their celebration party, all he could see was the slim body with the perfect legs, the handsome features and the honest smile, so perfect and desirable, and suddenly, he had wanted more from him than just company.  
  
Marco shakes his head while he remembers the arousal that had shot through his own body, making him needy and longing for intimacy. No, he hadn’t wanted to fuck anybody, he had wanted to fuck Erik. And to witness how Erik had been talking to their other teammates had made him jealous - a feeling that had let his desire grow even more.

Things had gotten out of hand the moment Marco had put his hand in Erik’s pocket, feeling the strong flesh underneath it, his lust finally taking over control. His mouth runs dry by the memory of Erik’s strong body, a body Erik had wanted to give to him.

He hadn’t missed the sign Erik had sent him when he had left the party and he hadn’t wanted to let him wait. But Auba had talked and talked and then, he had to go to his own room first to get the lube and the condoms... If only he had left them were they where. He hadn’t needed them for a long time and now, he has made Erik believe that he was whoring around like a maniac.

Marco closes his lids and sees Erik kneeling in front of him before his mind’s eye, instantly again, unable to focus on anything else. He sighs. His younger teammate had looked so vulnerable and he is glad that he didn't push into him with force at least. He hopes that he hasn’t hurt Erik in a physical way, the thought alone making him feeling sick. He never wanted to cause another human being pain, especially not when they should feel pleasure when being together with him.

Slowly, Marco crawls under his blanket, but the warm fabric can’t ban the cold that is spreading out from his inside. He has done something horrible tonight just because he hadn't been honest to himself and to Erik.

Marco throws one final look at the cup, a sight that gives him hope. Eventually, he has won his first final and he will make up with Erik as soon as possible, he swears to himself. This night should have been about filling Erik’s heart with joy and pride, not with tearing it out of his chest.

 

***

 

When Marco awakes the next day, his head is spinning and his limbs are hurting. He feels like an old man but then, his eyes fall on the cup and he starts to smile. It’s a sad smile however, because he instantly remembers the happenings in Erik’s hotel room.

After consulting his pillow, Marco’s bad conscience is even stronger but with that also the will to talk to Erik. He darts out of the bed and straight under the shower, somehow sorry that the warm water washes away the last traces his teammate has left on his skin.

Why hadn’t he noticed that Erik is still a virgin? Since when is he so insensitive? Marco can’t forgive himself that he has turned Erik’s first time into a nightmare. He switches the warm water off and the ice-cold liquid that is now dripping over his chest hurts but, he takes it as a punishment he deserves.

Trembling because of the cold, Marco steps out of the shower. At least he’s wide awake now, ready to search for Erik and to ask him how he’s doing. Shit, what a stupid question. Maybe he should come up with something more empathetic.

Marco dawdles while he gets dressed because he doesn’t know what he should do now. Returning to Erik’s hotel room? A bad idea, bringing back the memories of the last night by repeating his visit. Sending him a message? Lame. Calling him? Too serious.

The midfielder hopes that he might see Erik when he’s having breakfast. He could whisper in his ear that he wants to talk to him undisturbed. But what if Erik will get even more frightened, then? Marco has brought himself in a desperate situation but he’s determined to find a way out.

Slowly, he makes his way to the breakfast room, finding it tingling with the chatting of his teammates. Gonzo is waving at him and Schmelle asks where he has left the cup. Auba gives him a glass of sparkling wine he almost retches into. He recognizes Nuri with his family, the trainer team, Lukasz and Ilkay.

Whom he doesn’t see is Erik.

„Cheers, Marco, why have you disappeared so quickly yester... Marco?“ The blond doesn’t even listen to Auba, he stumbles through the breakfast room, searching for Erik. Sweat breaks out of his pores before he realizes that Erik might still be asleep, that he, Marco, isn’t the reason why he is missing.

„Sorry, Auba,“ he mutters, „I was just looking... forget it,“ he shrugs, finally taking the glass.

„You have to go and bring the cup!“ Schmelle insists and Marco is thankful that he has a reason to leave and put the alcohol away.

„Just a minute,“ he stammers, before he turns around and hastes back to the elevator. He doesn’t press the „3“ on it, he chooses the „5“ and rushes out of the door on the level Erik’s room is located.

Every step is a repetition of the evening before. Marco remembers how excited he was, how aroused and full of life. Now he feels insecure, full of regret and shame. Before he takes the last bend in the hallway, standing in front of Erik’s hotel room door within the next step, he inhales as much oxygen into his lungs as he’s able to. Then, he closes his eyes and walks around the corner, opening his lids only when he’s sure that he’s just inches away from Erik’s room.

„Sir, can I help you?“ a chambermaid asks friendly and Marco flinches, the blood rushing into his legs, making it unable for him to move.

Erik’s room is empty and it seems as if he has left it a long time ago.

 

***

 

They don’t see each other within the next ten days.

The trainer explained to them that Erik had had to leave the team due to a personal emergency. Marco swayed while he listened to him and he needed Auba to keep him upright.

„Too much alcohol yesterday, dude?“ his friend asked but Marco shook his head. He had drunken surprisingly less and he hadn’t been drunk because of too much beer or wine. No, he had been drunk because of the victory and Erik’s closeness. And yet he had had the worst hang-over in his life.

Marco was grateful that no one of his teammates suspected anything and shortly after the breakfast, they all had left to celebrate with the fans and disappear into different directions afterwards to spend their well-deserved vacations with their beloved ones.

Ever since then, Marco has tried to call Erik, he has sent him several messages, but he has never gotten an answer. But today, today he will see Erik again because they will meet with the national team to start the preparations for the Euros in France.

Marco tries to be cool while he enters the hotel that is their meeting point. Another hotel. Another opportunity to win a title.

He jogs himself like a wet dog and looks around, pretending that he’s not trying to take a glimpse where Erik is. There are Mario and the recovered Mats, even the players from abroad are already there. They share small stories about their vacation, but Marco is too nervous to concentrate on the talking. He needs to know where Erik is.

Finally, the revolving door starts to turn, giving way for his young teammate.

Marco freezes when he sees him. Erik has apparently lost weight, he’s pale and his hair is ruffled. But the most scaring part are his eyes. They don’t sparkle anymore, in fact, those are the eyes of a dead man. Marco knows immediately why Erik is so wrecked and he shoots him a gaze full of sorrow and regret, hoping that the younger one will understand it.

If Erik does, he doesn’t let show it. They greet each other briefly, as well as Erik is greeting the other members of the national team. The brunet has turned into a statue, his face an impassive mask, built to hide his feelings. Only that Erik is a terrible actor.

Marco knows that he is responsible for Erik’s misery that is apparently worse than he has thought. How was he able to ruin another human being that thoroughly? Marco hates himself for what he has done in that night ten days ago, for making Erik believe that he was just a worthless fuck. More than ever, he needs to talk to him, once Erik has settled in with the national team.

But, Erik doesn’t settle in.

The brunet stays away from his teammates with only few exceptions, such as Mats and Matze. They almost form a shield around him, making it impossible for the others to change more than one or two sentences with Erik. Marco is quite sure that both of them don’t know about the real reason for Erik’s state, they are just close friends who are trying to help him.

However, Marco knows that only he is able to help Erik.

The first days, the young brunet slips through his fingers whenever he tries to catch him alone. There’s no possibility to speak to him without the nosy ears of their teammates around and Marco is aware that Erik is avoiding being alone with him.

On the third day, he has enough.

Or probably the level of suffering becomes enough. Marco feels bad himself now, the visual proof of Erik’s despair in front of his eyes for hours every day taking its toll. Luckily, they are allowed to have single rooms while being with Die Mannschaft, and when Marco is looking around in his room, seeing a notepad and a pen lying on the nightstand, he knows what he has to do.

He writes his room number on the paper, together with the simple words: „I need to talk to you. I’m sorry, M.“ Then, he waits patiently until the team is having their free evening. After dinner, they are allowed to leave the hotel for some hours but Marco is sure that Erik will stay, coming out of his room and his shelter when he thinks that the other players have left the venue.

Marco sits down in the lobby, playing with his smartphone, having a close eye on the elevator. There’s a billiard room nearby and he has seen Matze entering it, so probably Erik has an appointment with him.

He doesn’t need to wait for long. Ten minutes after he has planted himself in the lobby, Erik appears. Before the brunet can enter the billiard room, Marco is by his side with long leaps. „Don’t get frightened,“ he whispers, taking the note and putting it in the back pocket of Erik’s jeans, doing it the other way round than in their night. This time, he’s not pulling something out of Erik’s trousers but, placing something into them and he hopes that Erik gets the message and the difference. It’s up to his stunned teammate if he wants to accept the invitation.

Erik doesn’t say anything, he simply stares at Marco with big eyes - eyes that finally show something akin to life again although Marco can’t tell whether it's shock, refusal or the crumbling pieces of Erik’s facade that he sees.

„Enjoy the billiard,“ Marco whispers, „and show Matze that you are the best.“

Then, he flees out of the lobby, straight into the elevator and his room.

All he can do now is wait, not sure if he will be successful in this very special „match“ or if he he has already lost the respect of his teammate forever.


	3. Erik and Marco.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear readers, this is the last chapter of my little story. I hope that you will enjoy it!
> 
> Thank you, Blue_Night for helping me with the beta and for reassuring me. :-)

Erik has inwardly passed away ten days ago, at least it feels like that for him. After Marco had left him, after he had closed the door behind him, something inside of him has died. The hope that he is lovable, that he is worth anything. But most of all, he’s embarrassed to no end because he has failed.

Marco had wanted to sleep with him and he had been too dense to make it possible. Erik wants the ground to swallow him up because of his shame every time he thinks about their encounter and he thinks a lot about it. Besides, Marco now knows that he is still a virgin, that he has never had sex this intimate way before. He is for sure laughing about him and his inexperience.

Erik didn’t catch any sleep this night, his aching heart killing him, slowly but thoroughly. When the first rays of the sun finally shone through his window, he had made a fateful decision.

The decision to leave the hotel and to switch his mobile off. Beforehand, he called his parents, informing them that he would come with them, pleading them to organize him a new smartphone number. He didn't explain to them what had happened during the night, refused to do so every single time they had tried to question him. Imagining that the team was celebrating the win without him made him utterly sad but, he was sure that he could not endure catching Marco’s sight.

The only person he had opened up to was his sister and even that had taken days he didn’t step out of his parents house and her constant presence. Lisa hadn’t asked him anything, she had waited patiently until Erik had been able to tell her what was troubling him that much.

It had been a painful conversation, ripping all of his wounds open but at least, he had an ally now. Lisa had suggested that he should talk to Marco but, Erik was sure that he couldn’t. Not at the moment. Probably never. Whenever he thinks of his teammate - whom he loved now even more, if this is even possible - he feels so sick that he isn’t able to eat anything. He notices that he gets too slim but, he doesn’t care.

Briefly, he even considered to cancel his participation in the Euros, feigning an injury. Lisa however convinced him to meet with the national team because he had to see Marco again some day. She had tried to talk some sense into him that his failure hadn’t been a failure, at all, and that Marco would understand him, but, to no effort.

And now Erik is standing in front of the hotel the national team is meeting, scared to death. He’s not even able to enter the venue, too afraid what will happen when he sees Marco the first time after their ruined night.

The first time. Erik groans and if he wouldn’t feel so sick, his cheeks would be bright red now, a clear sign of the shame that is accompanying him since ten days now with every step that he makes.

Deep breaths. The young defender flinches when he remembers Marco’s words while he had tried to push into him. Every minute of their encounter is still so present and slowly, Erik starts to panic. He has to enter the hotel now, he tells himself, slipping through the door as unnoticed as possible.

Only that Marco takes notice of him immediately.

He can see emotions flickering over the blond’s face but, he looks away hastily and he also doesn’t look at him when he’s greeting him. The simple touch of their hands feels like an explosion, and he’s sure that he can’t focus another sense on Marco’s handsome features without fainting straight where he is standing.

Erik is still lost, he has known it all of the time. He loves Marco so much that it hurts, and his longing, his despair, his shame and his regret mingle to an unhealthy mixture that is threatening to suffocate him during the next days.

Days that pass by in a haze because Erik needs all of his strength to avoid Marco, while he instinctively searches for Mats’ and Matze’s presence. They don’t ask him any questions, and he’s grateful for their support, although he really can’t feel anything positive anymore. He’s just functioning, an empty shell full of pain and self-hate.

Erik barely sleeps during the nights in the team hotel, under the same roof with the man who means more to him than his own life. The days are an endless fight, every minute he has to spend with Marco a torture. Finally, the team is allowed to leave the hotel for one evening and Matze asks Erik if he will play billiard with him. The young defender agrees, quite sure that Marco will go out with Mario and André, probably having dinner and searching for a man who isn’t as dumb as he himself has been. Not that he had ever believed that Marco could love him back.

But when he steps into the lobby, sure that the coast is clear, he runs straight into Marco’s arms. Before he can react, Marco is pushing something into the back pockets of his jeans, his fingers at the exact place they had been when...

„Enjoy the billiard and show Matze that you are the best,“ Marco whispers, before he walks away, into the elevator, disappearing like a ghost. Erik would believe that this was just a Fata Morgana, wasn’t it for the thing that Marco has put into his pocket, and that is burning Erik alive. He tugs the sheet out of his jeans as soon as the blond is out of sight.

„I need to talk to you. I’m sorry, M.“

Erik draws in a shaky breath, the paper trembling in his fingers. Marco has written his room number on the notepad, as well, and Erik doesn’t need to be a genius to understand what he wants. But why? Does Marco want to mock him because he has denied him his satisfaction, ten days ago? Probably he wants to tell him that Erik should stay away from him, that he regrets their encounter.

„What’s up?“ Matze asks, pointing at the paper. „Did you get bad news?“

„I... I don’t know,“ Erik answers confused, still staring at Marco’s handwriting. Matze probably hasn’t seen from whom the paper is, Erik thinks, but he sees his trembling hands now.

„It won’t get better if you are avoiding it, Erik,“ Matze says softly. „Whatever it is, get it over and done. We can play billiard tomorrow. Come to my room if you need someone to talk.“

Erik nods mechanically and then, Matze leaves him, squeezing his shoulders in encouragement. He doesn’t know what he shall do now, if only someone could tell him what’s right and what’s wrong! He’s torn in two halves - one that wants to run away until his lungs are hurting as much as his heart, and one that wants to believe Matze that he can’t back out forever.

„Hey, Erik, are you searching for someone to play billiard with?“ Poldi steps into the room, „I’m waiting for Basti, but maybe we can play a round later?“ His older teammate looks friendly at him, bringing him out of his trance.

„No, thank you,“ Erik stammers, swallowing. „I already have an appointment.“

 

***

 

Marco sits in his room like a cat on hot bricks. What shall he say if Erik shows up? And what shall he do if he doesn’t? The longer he waits, the more insecure he gets. He wanders around like a tiger in a cage, searching for a way to break free.

Maybe he should listen to Erik first. No, that’s not a good idea, the younger one will surely accuse him that he has used him. He should start with explaining himself. But should he reveal the reasons behind his behavior, a behavior he still doesn’t understand fully himself?

The blond makes up a little speech just to scrap it again. He can’t recite a text if Erik will yet appear. Marco fears that Erik won’t come as much as he fears his reaction if he does.

Erik will be mad at him, that much is for sure. Seducing him, using his adoration to try and fuck him without further ado is unforgivable. He has to tell Erik that he likes him, that it was him he wanted to have, not the first who came along. Maybe, he can limit the damage.

Does he have something to drink for Erik? Water would be good. Should he offer him a seat or should he make it short? Marco chews on his lip until it starts to hurt. Still no Erik. Maybe he should take a glimpse outside, just to make sure that his teammate finds his room?

Marco steps to the door but just when he wants to grab the handle, he hears a hesitant knock against the wooden frame.

 

***

 

Erik has slogged to his room after he has talked to Poldi, adrenaline already rushing through his system. Shall he go and see Marco? What if everything will be worse afterwards? He merely can endure the current state, any aggravation would be too much for him to take.

He splashes some cold water into his pale face, looking at himself in the mirror. For the first time in the last ten days, he really sees himself, how much he has gone to rack. He looks horrible, how is he supposed to meet Marco this way? Quickly, he changes his shirt to feel at least a little bit better. He uses gel to get his hair under control and perfume to smell nicely. Still, he can’t stand his appearance and turns away from the mirror.

Matze is probably right, as well as his sister. Probably, he needs this talk with Marco. If he reaches the absolute bottom, he might be able to climb and find his own life again. And if that means that Marco must tell him that he loathes him, so be it.

His heart clenches in fear when he pulls the door behind him close, looking for the umpteenth time on the small sheet that is sticking between his fingers. Erik already knows Marco’s room number by heart but he reads it again, just to make sure. His first steps are determined but they falter the closer he gets to the elevator. Marco’s room is one floor lower, he should take the stairs but, he can’t. He’s out of breath but not from his effort, he’s so scared that he can’t get enough air into his lungs anymore.

Finally, Erik stands in front of Marco’s room, sick to his guts. He doesn’t know where he gains the strength from when he hesitantly knocks at the frame.

 

***

 

Erik is here. He’s really here. Perhaps, not everything is lost, Marco thinks, while a strange feeling floods his veins. He’s nervous but also excited. ‚Don’t fuck it up‘ he tells himself while he pumps oxygen into his body to calm himself down. It’s useless, his heart and his hands are trembling when he opens the door.

„Hey,“ he says, gently. He hopes that the one word was as inviting as his gesture is now, he beckons Erik in and his younger teammate steps closer.

„Hey,“ Erik answers, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans. Marco is sure that his fists are clenched, that Erik’s whole body is on alert. He wished that he would find a way to help him, to release his tension, but he’s tensed himself.

„Thank you for coming,“ Marco adds, pointing at two armchairs in a corner, „why don’t you take a seat?“

Erik nods and sits down, on the very edge of the chair, ready to jump up and to run away whenever it should be necessary.  
  
Marco can’t make any mistake now, it’s important what he says next. „I want to apologize to you,“ he murmurs, the words not coming easily out of his mouth. „I didn’t want to hurt you, I know that you must hate me right now.“

Erik’s surprise when he now looks at him isn’t feigned. „Why should I hate you?“ the brunet croaks out, „you didn’t do anything wrong, it was me who failed.“ He lets his head hang low, studying the pattern of the floor.

„What do you mean, you failed?“ Marco answers perplexed. Then, the realization hits him like a hammer. Erik is embarrassed because he hadn’t been able to sleep with him.

„Erik!“ he exclaims stunned, „do you really think I’m mad at you because it didn’t work between us that night?“

„It was the most embarrassing experience in my life that I... that I...“ Erik manages to stammer. „I know what you are thinking of me now, believe me,“ he adds silently, his voice shaking. „I’m inexperienced and I ruined everything. Can we please just forget about it? It will always stand between us but maybe, we can simply carry on? I will avoid you, don’t worry.“ Erik’s throat has run dry, Marco can sense it, and he hands him a glass of water to gain time. This can’t be true, Erik is so devastated because he’s ashamed that he wasn’t ready?

Marco closes his eyes and when he opens them again, he’s on his feet, very much to his own surprise. He stands up and walks to Erik, bending over him and lifting his head. „Look at me,“ he says, „I am not mad at you and you didn’t ruin anything. It was me who failed. I should have asked you if you really want it, if you are ready for it. I didn’t want to use you, believe me.“

„You didn’t use me, I wanted it as much as you,“ Erik admits, „all the more I’m sorry that I couldn’t let you have me.“

„Oh Erik,“ Marco murmurs, laying his hands on Erik’s thighs now. „If only I had known that it was your first time, I had been so much more careful and probably, I wouldn’t have tried to take you. Your first time is way too precious to spend it in passing by. It’s a gift and the one who will be receiving it should be worth to get it.“

„You would be,“ Erik whispers, so honest and so vulnerable.

Marco shakes his head. „Don’t say that. If I would be worth it one day, I would have to gain your trust first.“

Erik swallows but, he looks Marco straight in the eyes. „I’d like to learn to trust you and to get to know you better. Do you think that would be possible?“

„Yes,“ Marco says softly. „I like you, very much. I didn’t want to have anybody in that night, I wanted to have you. I felt so lonely, realizing how many titles I had missed and you were the only one I wanted by my side. Well, and then you had been so damn sexy that I couldn’t stop myself anymore,“ Marco states, blushing.

„Me? Sexy?“ Erik asks in disbelief that is so cute that Marco pulls him up and tugs him into his arms.

„Very sexy,“ he whispers while he embraces his teammate, stroking his back. „We both weren’t lucky in that night but that doesn’t mean that we will never be, right?“

„Maybe we will win a title together again,“ Erik murmurs against Marco’s skin with so much longing that Marco’s hearts aches. He knows that they still need time and that they have a tournament to play they must focus on first.

„And maybe we will have a second chance, as well,“ he replies tenderly before he lets Erik go with reluctance. He’s surprised how much he wishes that his words will come true, that they will be able to fix their relationship, lifting another trophy together, lying in each others arms afterwards. It’s all he craves for while he hugs Erik one final time, inhaling his scent and preserving it for the upcoming days, for the straining matches they will have to play.

 

***

 

Six weeks later, Germany wins the European Championship.

 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know if you would like to read a sequel about the victory celebration and their second chance. :-)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Power Of Love](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6579571) by [Blue_Night](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Night/pseuds/Blue_Night)
  * [Little Butterfly](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6695572) by [Blue_Night](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Night/pseuds/Blue_Night)




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